Tuesday, March 17, 2009

NDE, An Intro: The Backdrop..(a brief departure from poetry)

I never actually put myself in the category of an NDE. I guess over the last couple years, after having watched a number of these (videos) with my husband...(kind of in amusement.. still, I have no doubt these things occur.. they are very real to me) that I began to think, wait a minute? While on the one hand I don't take myself too seriously, this really impacted me. Dreams had always factored in my life somehow..maybe why I had to go through this little movie..an impression needed to made in my thick little noggin? On the other, I don't base everything on experience either?


Was this an actual death or just near? I don't recall any white light or tunnel or even looking back at myself. This picturesque state, was peppered through with some real odd but hilarious recollections which I may throw in (hope credibility isn't lost)? I just can't resist humor-


Background:




I decided to end my pitiful life early in my 20's with my then boyfriend and father of my two boys. He was getting over the counter drugs (bad back of course) and he happened to have muscle relaxers at the time. We were fussing and fighting all the time it seemed- but besides that, I was simply lost.. except- I wanted answers. He, on the other hand was on a downward spiral.. like a tornado- taking me right along with him! You could say I was a little co-dependent?


Soo, I went into the bathroom one night, lined up over a hundred muscle relaxers...(all in neat little rows), gawd..you have to wonder where that came from!...then proceeded to down them all! When I finished, I looked at him and said goodnight! I remember getting up to use the bathroom but fell over onto the floor by the night stand. I hit my head so hard I saw lights! Anyway, the last thing I remember after that (I guess he had a problem taking me to the doctors-guilt??) -was him plunking me in a tub full of water thinking it would help sober me up..no idea as to how many of those little pills I took..hell, maybe he did?

Incidentally, I have to mention how unforgettable being submerged in water really was! It was like hmm...therapy, where it became a tremendous release to me somehow..one of the things that stood out?

I suppose I should mention my background in Catholicism. Though I had received a bible while growing up- we were instead encouraged to read the Catholic Missile; although we had one lying around? However, I'd only been introduced to little Bible story books here and there during my formative years with an occasional prayer book.
More importantly, I hadn't heard of the book of Revelation or much outside the law or works... Baptism as far as I knew occurred when you were an infant.




The following excerpt underpins what I wrote here in (Religion, The Beginning of My Journey) - sorry, this link isn't up), anyway, because I mention this..I say this- as it was virgin territory in that I had to carve my way through..

Here-"besides Catholicism, other ideologies had been integrated at some point in time -which flew in direct contrast without ever being scrutinized or challenged.. consequently, (one can become) a living conduit, inadvertently building strongholds by simply impregnating their own offspring against any inquiry through emotional paralysis and defense of the very belief systems they refused to battle. I will go so far as to suggest, it’s like a serum infused upon inception."



Well, I never wrote any of this down.. in full anyway- but much of it still stands out in various slices, though it was one long continuous story.



Having said that, I will post in segments so it's not too longish- for those interested: Developing...

Also, I will answer any comments and love to hear your feedback-

(My NDE can be found here)

5 comments:

The Write Girl said...

Hey Regina,

Your background (intro) is very interesting. I'm curious is the background related to the religion link you added in your post? Well, it is always exciting to begin something new. So I look forward to reading more.

DocElectron said...

This is an interesting journey you shared here, I would love to hear more about this experience actually if you ever feel the desire to share.

Regina Marie said...

Thanks to you both- strange.. maybe I needed a bit of courage to go further?

Jim said...

Thank you Regina, I will check again when it's OSI time. This is awesome and awful. I hope they didn't do the stomach p*mp, that is the awfulest punishment one could have. Those people are sadistic.
My beagle dog, Adi, swallowed a meat end piece of wrapper with the twisted wire. The vet put drops in her eyes and withing 20 minutes she was vomiting. Very humane. Of course as the drugs act every second counts I suppose. I was there (not me receiving, but driving ...), there was at least a 20 minute wait in the ER.
Please don't feel you must continue. But sometimes it helps to share, that's probably why I get so personal on my Poem blog.
..

Regina Marie said...

Jim..I ended up pumping my own stomach! Ya..but it's funny that I remember so little of that part..though it was a fact. In truth, I'm a barfer! I still occasionally get car sick! Anyway, you said the vet put drops in Adi's eyes..that made her vomit? Wow...how?
Well, thanks-
You know, I accidently stuck my "draft" up- (blogged) the stupid thing for the next part of the (NDA)- then came back in to moderate a comment (yours?) and saw it! To say the least, I was mortified..I'm sort of thinking twice about sharing the humor part? My humor borders on the bizarre..and it's beginning to dawn on me.. others might not share it..ha ha- and no..we're going to get personal! Heh heh

Let's be perfectly clear- the war on free speech is spiritual!